


Match Dot Com: prompt - Fifty Shades Of Shit.

by mrgoldsdearie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Once Upon a Time Fusion, Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 09:04:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3375701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrgoldsdearie/pseuds/mrgoldsdearie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Belle couldn’t sleep and she gives eualmatch.com another try. (This event happens after the first chapter.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Match Dot Com: prompt - Fifty Shades Of Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous prompted: TEA PROMPT MDC!VERSE: Someone (probably sleazy, maybe in an earlier chapter) sends Belle an P.M. suggesting that she read *vomits a little* Fifty Shades as a way to open her mind and “not be such an uptight, frigid bitch.: Belle educates the poster on all the things wrong with his or her suggestion.
> 
> I hope this is alright, nonnie. I think it’s funny after all.

Belle turns off her computer and puts it away. She thought it was wonderful to have a friendly conversation on the site. It’s just too bad it wasn’t someone she was looking for. Belle curls up between her sheet and blankets, as Pongo returns to the room, laying next to her. She tries to get enough sleep before her early day in the morning. Being the mayor of Storybrooke, she has to be at the grand opening of the towns new library. **  
**

After thirty minutes of tossing and turning in the bed, Belle sits up. She isn’t quite sure why she can’t sleep, but she thinks, maybe a little distraction will help her. She unplugs her computer and sits it on her lap, then logs on to equalmatch.com, once again. She’s hoping a little browsing will help her get some sleep.

She skims through the site, trying to get a handle of how things work and receives a message. Belle is hesitant to open the message. After the texts from the creepers earlier, she still isn’t sure if this site is for her. Then she thinks about the guy that mistook her for tech support and what he said about giving the site a try. So, she opens the message to read what is says.

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Hello._

_TCup_Chipper: Hello._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: I saw your profile and you read a lot of books. I just thought you’d be someone interesting to talk too._

"Hmm," she thought to herself. He hasn’t said anything vile to her yet. By the time the other guys typed their second sentence, the conversation was shot straight to hell. So, she replies back.

_TCup_Chipper: It’s nice that you thought that._

_TCup_Chipper:  What’s your favorite book?_

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: I’m happy you asked. I was just about to mention it._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Fifty Shades Of Gray._

Belle stares at the book title, a bit horrified. She knows of this literary garbage and doesn’t understand how a book so terribly written, quickly becomes mainstream.

_TCup_Chipper:  I know of that book._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Oh, everybody has. I bet you love it just as much as I do._

_TCup_Chipper: Actually, I don’t._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: WHAT? You’re like the only person in the world that doesn’t like the book. It’s the best thing ever written._

_TCup_Chipper: No, it isn’t. There are a ton of reasons why that book is so bad._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Well, it’s not the writing. Lol._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: “His pointer finger circled my puckered love cave. “Are you ready for this?” he mewled, smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three-legged young.”_

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Just typing that passage from the book turned me on._

"Eew," she squeals after reading that text. She definitely didn’t get that far in the book.

_TCup_Chipper: That’s disturbing._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: What do you mean disturbing? That’s literary gold!_

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: “My tongue swirls around the end. He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle. I suck harder and harder … Hmm … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa move.”_

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: You can’t tell me that’s not hot._

_TCup_Chipper:  It’s not._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Stop being so uptight. I bet you didn’t even finish the book._

_TCup_Chipper:  I didn’t._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: So how can you judge it if you didn’t even finish it? It’s absolutely amazing and you should finish it._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: A woman like you (I read your profile thoroughly) should love this book. It’s empowering to women._

_TCup_Chipper: Sexual abuse and enslavement is not empowering at all. I’ve read enough of the book to know that’s what it’s about._

_TCup_Chipper: I don’t think I want to talk to you anymore._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Why not? What did I do wrong?_

He sends another messages before she could reply.

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: Quit being such a frigid bitch about it. It’s a book that brings pleasure to millions of people and you want to shoot it down. You could learn a thing or two from it._

Belle is infuriated.

_TCup_Chipper: First of all, how fucking dare you call me a frigid bitch._

_TCup_Chipper: I’m not the one getting a hard on to a mother hamsters eating their babies. That’s just sick and just further proof that you are sick._

Belle is typing so fast he can’t get a response in.

_TCup_Chipper: The book is the furthest thing from women empowerment. Christian Gray is an abusive, manipulating, raping bastard that, for some reason, this world has decided to glorify. You’d have to be really stupid not to see that._

_TCup_Chipper: And your love for this book just shows that you have no respect for women. I don’t want to associate myself with ignorant people like you._

_Duke_Of_WeselDICK: The way you just told me off,  gave me a penis popsicle._

_TCup_Chipper: GOOD FUCKING BYE! DON’T MESSAGE ME AGAIN, YOU SICK BASTARD!_

Belle slams her computer shut. “What the hell is this world coming to?” she mutters to herself. She turns to Pongo and he’s fast asleep. She tries to clear her mind from the idiocy she just witnessed and tell herself that not everyone on the site is like that, but she still can’t fucking believe it. She plugs her computer and lays down, cuddling up next to Pongo. With her puppy in her arms, she’s more calm and it doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep. Maybe she should have just snuggled up with him, in the first place.


End file.
